i realli hate and i say hate today.. it sucks okie.. haix.. i was realli very happy that even though moi family is like thrash... i still have moi mummy wit me... who noes every single thing that happens to me... haix... sorry was moi mum had done.. i realli feel terrible.. very terrible.. i am realli very sorry BM.. i realli noe i cant reverse time back... but i am realli sorry.. it was moi fault.. that all this have to happen to u.. i mean.. i realli don wan u to suffer.. i realli wan to stay by ur side.. realli by ur side.. and go throught thick and think wit u.. i realli won leave u till u walk out of moi life.. this day is one of the... no no.. the worst day of moi life.. to see u cry again.. and again for three days.. it sucks dear.. i realli wan u to smile and smile and ya.. smile.. but things are not being the way i wan it to be.. so many things happen to u this year.. i understand... and ya.. i don wan to be a burden to u.. thats why till today.. i don force u to do anything... or be in a relationship.. i jus wan to make sure i show u moi love.. moi care and concern.. and ya.. u are well protected.. even though i scold u.. at times beat u cos of playfulness.. in moi heart i hope u noe how i feel for u inside.. i will never forgive moi mummy for wad she has done to u.. i mean haix.. i feel so terrible.. on moi way home.. i start crying again... and i couldnt take it.. i got down from 172... and walk near the cemetery... i realli couldnt take it. i was drenched when i got home.. the rain is so heavy.. haix.. i reali didnt mean to do this to u.. i realli didnt mean to fall in love wit u.. and u noe.. i have a very small heart.. haix.. now i am having fever... haix.... and i realli miss u alot.. i am ya.. bragging abt this shit over and over la.. but i don noe how to express it.. i very useless in expressing how i feel.. haix... i realli feel so many things happen to me.. ya i may be a coward to say tis shit out.. but i realli feel so terrible.. haix... i am realli on the verge of giving up moi stupid life.. don wanna live it anymore.. so screwed up.. at least if i am gone.. no one will be jealous... no one will disturb u.. but u noe.. u will always be watched from top... i mean... i clearly feel that the love i have for u... is so so so much different from wad i use to have for wei ting and geraldine.. haix.. jus don noe la.. i am so lost.. so so lost!!!! i jus wan u to smile. haix.. and be wit me........................................................................... as how we are now.....................